Am I the NEW Mr. Clean?

I’m pretty confident that I’m probably one of the rare men that actually blogs about his home life with his wife or as some

Shelby 'Mr.Clean' Hill

call it “the ole ball n chain”.  I get it, I mean I can see how one could see a wife as a really heavy weight that he has to drag around in every aspect of his life! That sounds sooo painful! Well, I can’t call her the “ball n chain” but I have to tell you things can get a little heavy at times.

Considering it’s Just Us (Sex in the City…don’t ask!), it means that Both of us have to chime in and make sure things are tidy around the house. That seems logical right? I clean up behind myself and she should be able to do the same. Right? Nooooo! I’ve become the new age  “House Hubby” and just call me Mr. Clean! I often find myself having to follow her tracks of socks, papers,  t-shirts, crumbs, blankets… etc.  You name it I’ve had to pick it up! I thought it was supposed to be the other way around!

The real point here is that she and I actually had a conversation about “the chores” and splitting them down the middle. When and if she cooks I’ll wash the dishes. When I cook she’ll do the same. We wash dishes differently. I wash dishes the old-fashioned way…by hand. She washes dishes by stacking them in the dishwasher. Go figure! When cleaning house, I believe in putting all things in their appropriate place i.e, our mail goes into our respective home offices, various clothing items go where they’re supposed to go,  trash goes where it’s supposed to go etc. Well, my wife  subscribes to the “out of sight out of mind” philosophy.  You can only imagine the joy I have when I find my mail, office items, clothing and believe it or not occasional dishes in my CLOSET!!

Not to mention there’s a light left on in every room that she exits. Can you imagine the light bill?

I know what you’re going to tell me..” Shelby, you married for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…”  But what about organization and teamwork??

Are there are any survivors out there that can throw me a life line?

Shelby

Pick up my NEW book– She Says, It’s Complicated! Simple Solutions for Women in Complex Relationships with Men.

Date Night

Sooooo my wife and I went to see the movie ‘Date Night’  this past Sunday. We’re both Steve Carell & Tina Fey fans. The movie was pretty darn funny too.  I was pretty surprised considering often times those kind of movies can have a lot of hype but not really be that entertaining. Date Night is a “go and see”. With that said, we enjoyed the viewing  very much. My wife and I have been together for 5 years and married 3. It’s been an amazing journey and what’s even more amazing is that it’s ever evolving. We have our ups and downs like any other couple. One thing I will say about us is that we communicate extremely well. Even though we can have our disagreements we still communicate very well. It’s the foundation to our relationship.

The funny thing is,  in Date Night, throughout all of the drama and adventure they experienced while they were running and fighting for their lives  they actually knocked down the walls and began to express their feelings about their incredibly boring and monotonous  marriage to one another. Not only that, they were exposed to how boring their marriage was but also how special and valuable they were to each other. So without spoiling the movie, I’ll say go see the movie for sure.

Here’s the thing, marriage doesn’t have to be a “ball n chain” for guys and well…whatever women call us husbands these days, it can be everything you want it to be if you and your spouse are communicating and taking actions as well. You really can’t have one with out the other.

Just make it Yours in a healthy way…as much as you possibly can.  I personally believe you’ll live longer. 

Shelby

A Must Read!

www.SheSaysItsComplicated.com

So, you say you want to have an “open marriage”?

Okay, okay, okay so Mo’nique really open the flood gates in the community of women and most likely in the household of many couples. I will say it has definitely spawned some interesting conversation within my household…about “open marriage”.  I personally understand who I am married to and we do not subscribe to the “open marriage” philosophy. However, if this is something that two adult individuals consent to… hey,  it’s an  “open marriage”…what’s the big deal? Well, I mean, if that’s what a couple wants to do and that works for THEM then shouldn’t they do absolutely whatever works for them?  Some couples choose to have sexual escapades as a team, they call it “swinging” and if the two of them have an agreement that they are both comfortable with, what’s the problem? If a married couple wants to have an “open marriage” and one of them acts on the agreement perhaps more frequently then the other, or if the other party decides they don’t want to engage in sex with an outside party but, are okay with their spouse doing so…who are we to judge this or even more so, speculate his/her reasons for agreeing to it.

Granted most people understand what the bible says, and the definition of marriage is well noted. Nonetheless, once two people are married don’t they now have the right and power to modify their union and customize it to how they see  fit and is best for them to be happy and fulfilled as a couple? I’m just wondering if  “society” has lost track of what rights and prerogative really are about. If you choose not to like or agree with a persons actions or decisions that are suitable for them, that’s your choice but remember it does not make you right nor him/her wrong, it makes it their choice and right as much as it your choice too.

Shelby

A Couple that Plans Together- Stays Together.

So far 2010 has been off to the races and to a great start for British and I. Our coaching practices are beginning to thrive and my “popularity” is starting to buzz a little bit. Actually, my popularity is a mere hummmmmmm. Which is totally fine. To become a well-known relationship coach/expert, author and speaker it takes  time. All of the big names had to start somewhere right? Of course they did. All it takes is to set the intention, embrace the vision and exercise action consistently and eventually, things will fall into place and I’ll be making an incredible difference in peoples lives across the land. I have faith! British just reached Vice President within the Compass organization. An incredible accomplishment considering she started this business just over a year ago in January. I’m extremely proud of her!

Speaking of accomplishments and supporting your spouse. I was talking with a close friend of mind about goal setting in a marriage. It’s important for couples to be on the same page when discussing their future together. If  collectively the goal is financial, the two of you should set this goal together. For example, if the aim is to clear some debt, set a goal for an amount i.e., $10,000 for the year. Sit down together and work out all potential obstacles that may prevent you from achieving this goal. Talk about areas of spending that could be curbed and assess what you need as opposed to what you want to keep up a comfortable household. Once you’ve broken down obstacles and laid the plan, be committed and hold one another accountable. You’re a team, it’s important to work as ONE. It’s a short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain. Imagine the feeling the two of you will have when you’ve achieved your goal together. Even if you miss the goal by 1 or 2 thousand dollars, it doesn’t matter. The point is you did and you did it together!

You will be surprised to see how close the two of you will become and how you will better manage money issues within your household.

Shelby

ShelbyMHill.com

You Want My Food Too??

I’m just curious to know if anyone else experiences this with their mate. Before I got married I was obviously a bachelor and EVERYTHING  I owned was mine, including my food! Even when I dated or was in a bit of a long-term relationship my food was still ‘my food’. Any person I was seeing at the time never reached over into my plate to taste anything of mine, nor would she suggest to taste it unless I offered. Man, either I was really greedy or pretty selfish! Perhaps I was both. YIKES!!

Fast forward to My Life With My Wife and let me tell you something, there rarely is ever a moment where I can have a meal, drink, snack,  or a piece of candy without my wife wanting to taste it! Even if we’re eating the same thing, she wants to taste mine because mine may taste “different”. Get outta here!! Really?? It cracks me up! Here’s another example; we dined at a buffet the other day (Island Buffet) and I had the chef make me a spinach salad. So what do you think happens moments after my request? My wife comes up and says “Oh, you’re getting a spinach salad. That looks good. Can you make enough for two?”  Of course the chef  obliged her.  After he’s done, I mosey along and add some extras to my salad and so does she. We migrate to our seats and almost instantly she says “Mmmm…your salad looks good” and sticks her fork in it before she even tastes her own. She goes on to say (as she always does) “Your food always tastes better than mine!” She hadn’t even tasted her food yet and she does this every time we eat. LOL!!

This is my favorite strategy of hers. We’ll go to a restaurant and order two separate meals. I’ve ordered mine she’s ordered hers and everyone is all set. The server will bring out our meals. Her food looks delicious and so does mine. I naturally always offer her to taste my meal especially when she comments on how yummy it looks. Sometimes she accepts my offer to taste and other times she’ll decline. She’ll decline but I know she wants to taste it. So here’s what happens 99.9% of the time. If I step away from the table for a moment to grab a napkin,  reach for the waiter or anything….she’ll taste my food as soon as I leave the table or turn my back!!! What is that about??

Of course I share this with you because it is My Life With My Wife and I have to tell you that I’ve simply grown to expect and understand that this is just how it is when you’re in a healthy relationship. I used to be pretty “ME” oriented, which is probably why past women never dared to bite off my plate. My energy probably was like “DON’T TOUCH MY FOOD”. But with British, she basically circumvented all of that “ME” stuff with love and basically a “get over it” attitude. Of course nowadays, I know the cues and often times I just let her have the first bite or sip of whatever it is I’m chomping on.

No more of that old rule “It’s my food and I get to taste it first!” In Committed relationships it really is true guys, what’s Yours is Hers…including your food!!  If your relationship is healthy you’ll have fun with it and appreciate it much like I do.

Besides, if you’re not stretching yourself in your relationship, you’re definitely not growing together.

Smiles,

Shelby

www.ShelbyMHill.com

Days before Christmas!

Merry Christmas and what a merry Christmas it was! I just know for sure that all of you had a wonderful holiday with your family and close friends. The holidays are so wonderful just because it’s a wonderful time to bring family together to experience joy. I love that the most. Christmas in Florida is often a challenge when trying to get into the spirit. It’s always so sunny and warm year around that you can easily forget it’s December and it’s the season to be jolly. But, this year St. Nick gave a special gift, the gift of cool/cold weather (for a change). It was really nice for the sky to be gray and the air feel brisk. As we patrol the neighborhood and take in all of the light decorations on the  neighbor’s homes we see the kids outside with gloves and hoodies. It was very warming to have the spirit.

British and I went to pick out a Christmas tree just a few days before Christmas. We laughed because in the years past when Julian was home, in the first week of December we would have gone out and purchased one of the tallest trees on the lot and she and Julian would’ve decorated it. This year, we picked out a modest tree and decorated it while I worked on other home decorations. I have to say, once the tree was up and the candles were lit along with holiday music in the backdrop…it really felt like Christmas in December. It’s funny how the older you get you really develop a more meaningful sense for what Christmas is all about. It’s not about gifts for sure, it’s about the gift of life and the blessing to share the gift of life with those who love you and vice versa. We enjoyed sharing very much.

When Julian got home it was great to see him and see him absorb the feeling of being with his parents. I have to remember he’s 21 now but he sure seemed like a kid again when he saw the tree and just being home. It was great to have everyone together again.

Shelby

My thoughts on Tiger Woods

I have to say that my wife and I have had many discussions about this Tiger Woods reality drama. We’ve gone back and forth, agreeing and disagreeing. We certainly agree that his actions were incredibly wrong and excessive, there’s no question about that. What her and I mostly debate is whether Tiger should’ve come out and addressed the Orange County police  earlier by giving a statement when they requested with the possibility of him preventing further interest as to why he was would be speeding out of his home, barefoot at 2:30a.m. She think’ s that would have stymied this entire debacle.

I on the hand see it this way. Tiger had a right to not speak to the police, for certain. The reason why I think he did not is because he feared that he would give the police something to further investigate considering it was a domestic dispute. In his eyes he probably figured silence was the best policy and silence would better manage the situation. Once word got out that he had an affair with 1 woman, his thoughts were “it’s a private matter” therefore, there isn’t any requirement for him to address the public. I agree. However, once the flood gates opened and all of these women began to come out about their affairs and flings with him, I really felt like he should have stepped up and addressed the issue.It may not have saved his marriage but it probably could’ve prevented the 3 week saga that it’s become.

His silence at this point is really more detrimental to the situation, his family, and his image. Now, it appears that his wife is divorcing him. I don’t believe a public apology or any amount of money could hold this marriage together.  There has been many comments via Facebook, Twitter and radio and T.V. that suggests that “transgressions”  such as Tiger’s are common amongst many “everyday” couples, some even say that although women who are victims of a man’s multiple indiscretions more often than not, stay married to him.  Had this not happened in front of the world you have to wonder if Elin would have decided to divorce him or would she have elected to go through counseling and stay with him.

One thing for sure my wife and I agree on, is her divorcing him is a strong statement for women across the board.

Women, Be Strong. Be Empowered.

Shelby

My wife BURNED dinner!!

Okaaay, communication is most effective when it’s 2-way. RIGHT? So what happens when communication happens but there’s still a break down? I’m a hungry man and dinner will not be served (at least the dinner that I thought I wanted)

Let me get straight to it.

British put the salmon in the oven to bake. I have no idea for how long but, she came in the kitchen and tasted it and asked me to taste it as soon as I could to see if it tasted done. I did and it needed to bake a bit more so I suggested that we let it bake for about 10 more minutes at 350 degrees (that’s right…I have some cooking skills too).

Somewhere along the way (without my knowledge) she came along and took it out of the oven and set it on top of the stove. As we missed each others paths, I came back in the kitchen to see that the salmon was still on top of the stove and the oven was still on. Naturally, I assume that the oven was on to put the salmon BACK INTO THE STOVE. I proceeded and did so. About 45 minutes later she pulls the salmon out of the stove…and….ummm…I’m sure you can imagine that it wasn’t as juicy as it could’ve been.

So as you can see in the picture above I immediately suggested the alternative (for ME) It was painful to make that trip to Mickey-Ds as I thought about a Big Mac with special sauce blah blah blah and a sesame seed bun, a cheeseburger, large fry a coke and apple pie.

British wasn’t able to have any. She ate steamed broccoli and black beans with rice. You know, she’s watching her figure and what-not. Eating REALLY healthy.

Me on the other hand…well…I eat healthy too ya know…really I do…it’s just…I COULDN’T HELP IT I WAS CRAVING IT!!!

Should I feel guilty? I haven’t had McDonald’s in years!! It was a treat!!!

Okay the truth is I ate the over cooked salmon anyway and I had Mc Donald’s about a month ago.

Anyway, the point here is Where was the break down in this “effective” communication??

Shelby

Working from home…while in bed…all day!

Today was one of those days when you really just wanted to stay home in bed and do nothing-well maybe work from bed. That’s what I got to do today. I worked in my PJs with my laptop in on lap and all my books and notes beside me taking care of business. BlackBerry with headset on the end table and having productive conversations. Truth is I was feeling a little under the weather after being on the go so much last week and not getting ample rest. But between yesterday and today I’m feeling rejuvenated.

I think British may have been slightly jealous…ha ha ha but I said to her “Honey, you have a laptop too”. She smiled of course and went into her office. She was on the phone most of the day with her team. I don’t bother her when she’s in her zone. I was in my zone today too. I worked on my newsletter for my personal coaching site www.shelbymhill.com. I’ll be advertising it later this week.

I also, have been working diligently on my upcoming workshop series launching in January by CONNECT MORE™ ‘Educating and Inspiring healthy relationships one workshop at a time.’ The January 3 part series will be about Good Sex and No Love helping women break away break away from the cycle of destructive loving, change the way you love and the men you are attracted to.

Just a quick plug there. Be on the look out and visit my site www.shelbymhill.com to sign up for my news letter. It’ll keep ya posted.

Shelby

A proud hubby!

What a whirl-wind of a week! Drove to Orlando to support my partner in crime with Compass at the ICF Convention and of course I made some great contacts myself for my own personal professional development. It really was a great time. Compass had a booth there as did many other vendors that geared their products towards the coaching community. There’s a lot of great services and product out there to assist coaches and to help the coach’s support their clients. The coaching profession is growing exponentially. It’s pretty amazing to witness it and be apart of it!

I’ll tell you what else was really special to see- watching British, Kim G and Kim B work their magic to really get the word out about Compass. Kim B was signing people up on the spot. Kim G was reeling them in with strategic questions and her ever so inviting presence and British was magnetic as usual. At one point, she was hosting small convention within the convention as she had several women at once have a seat (in a semi-circle)  as she gave an impromptu presentation and Q & A about Compass. It was amazing viewing the frenzy around the Compass booth.

By now you’re probably wondering where did I fit in. Well, I have a few skills too you know. I drew in a bit of a crowd, however I simply introduced and connected them to one of my experts i.e., British

My primary role was to support her for this event. I enjoyed it immensely of course. My goal is to have a booth on deck next year with  a couple of ventures i’m developing at this moment.

I strongly encourage men to support their wives/girlfriends in any business ventures she may be pursuing. I can’t express how meaningful it is to the community and most importantly, your wife/girlfriend. When she knows  she has your buy in and support it makes it so much easier for her to thrive and really focus on making her dream or the venture as successful as it can be.  It’s nice to see her happy and it’s just as nice when she can see that her husband is incredibly proud of her…no matter the results of the venture.

I’m very proud of my B!

Shelby